Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
