I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
