White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
