just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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