Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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