oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
