And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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