he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
