ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
