I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Randomize
