Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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