I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
