Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
