Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
