Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
