Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
