Swine flu. Run for my life!
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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