Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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