Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
True strength comes from lack of pants
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
