i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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