I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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