I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
