Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
