Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I party with great urgency now.
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