My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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