Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
