Got a toothbrush?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just pee around me
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
