We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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