Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
