I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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