ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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