Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
