The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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