I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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