Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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