mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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