So many bounce houses so little time
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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