The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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