So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
