her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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