Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
