When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
