tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
