PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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