Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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