You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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