Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
