i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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