took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
