Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
