Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
