There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Randomize
