As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
