Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
